Let's Talk about Anxiety
Updated: Nov 29, 2018
I have a nervous disposition.
Walking a path too filled with things that go bump in the night will do that, until hands shaking to strike flint to steel and bring some light in the darkness becomes permanent, and even when the battle ends it's all still second nature, fight-or-flight too highly developed to the psychological threats though the physical have vanished. The voice in my head keeps asking questions about everything, a survival instinct pushing me and pulling at me like a frightened child.
It is easier, since I learned that it wasn't the enemy, and since I started treating that part of me with kindness and guidance, taking myself by the hand and speaking soothing things. I'll tell myself "It's ok, they're not thinking about it, you're not that important," when I wonder if it was too awkward or too much. I'll work through "No, they aren't mad. And even if they were, what would happen?" And remember that even when someone's angry, I deserve basic human decency.
But even when trying to grow up and away from anxiety, learning to see the world without it, I bite at my fingers and cuticles until I bleed, chew my lips, clench my jaw, and worry at any wounds on my body. I had a zit by my nose--you know how they get right in the crease and it huuurts--and it's trying to resolve now but I keep rubbing and scraping at it. It's bad. So I came up with a little spell to help, for the moments when that anxious energy stockpiles and itches to get out somehow. It already wants to go somewhere, so this will send it, like turning a leaky faucet on and off to stop the drip.
A Spell to Banish Welling Anxiety
If you would like, light a fragrant candle or start a diffuser, have a small fan on and pointed at yourself, focus on something blue, or stimulate your senses in some other way. This will help ground you.
Wherever you are sitting or standing, take a deep breath. It's okay if it's shaky or if you can't breathe that deeply; just breath in as slowly as you can and then exhale slowly. Do this until you feel a bit slower and more present. If you are fidgeting at all, rest your hands at your side or in your lap. Visualize or tune into how the energy feels--for me, it feels like an internal itchiness, like I'm a TV displaying static--and then as soon as you have the feeling in mind, move your hands sharply, as though flicking that energy away. Turn your palms outward as you do. You can start with bunched fingers and flick them out while you flick your hands, if you want. Visualize the energy dissipating utterly. You can say the following couplet, if you like:
"I banish my worries and my doubts so peace may settle roundabout
From head to foot I now am free of all inauspicious energy. Let it be!"